Got back to town late tonight, so I took a cab home. And the cabbie made small talk, which makes me uncomfortable. And he asked me what I do, which gave me the perfect opportunity to use this fake job that's been in my head for a while.
"You know how on a box of cereal, you'll see a bowl of that cereal, served with, say, strawberries, or sometimes a banana or blueberries? Well, I work for the National Blueberry Council. And we're trying to put together a deal with the major cereal brands, like General Mills and Kellogg's, to remove the strawberries from certain cereal boxes and replace them with blueberries. The idea is, if people learn to associate blueberries with a particular cereal, they'll buy more blueberries and less strawberries."
At this point, the guy has no freaking clue what I'm talking about, but I'm really enjoying this fake job, and he seems impressed, so I continue.
"So, it's my job to run the numbers to see how much it would cost in advertising to put blueberries on a particular type of cereal, and if the anticipated rate of return on the investment--the number of people who genuinely think that, say,
Cheerios would taste great with blueberries--is worth our initial layout to the company."
Then I got home ,and I had him drop me of a little bit farther away from where I actually live, because I was a little scared.
On Another Note
Vinnie Barbarino and the Separation Between Church and State
So Mr. Kotter just asked Vinnie Barbarino about the Bill of Rights. And Vinnie answered, "There was this old guy with the white beard, and he went up this mountain, and there was a bolt of lightning, and boom! And he went down the mountain with this rock, and on the rock were the 10 amendments."
I'm wondering when it was that Bill Frist wrote for Welcome Back Kotter.
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10 comments:
This is hysterical. Thanks for making me laugh. I wonder if there is actually a job like that. Where on earth do you come up with this stuff from?
He probably went home and burned all his cereal boxes and will shudder whenever someone mentions 'blueberries' in his presence.
Here from Michele's.
As a person who actually holds this job for the Post company (only I work on replacing blueberries with banana chips as we also own a company in Latin America that grows bananas) I don't find this all that funny. I can't figure out if you are making fun of my job because you think it doesn't exist or if you are making fun of it because you think it is a dumb job. I'll have you know I make $300,000 a year, with a $50,00 bonus everytime I succeed in putting bananas first. I write this to you from my vacation home in Cancun. Eat happy!
Oh my gosh that is too funny!! I would totally buy into your life that you painted for yourself. I gotta try that one out sometime for sure.
Here from Michele's
I didn't find it. This is what happens when you're awake at 4 a.m., and Welcome Back Kotter is on Channel 11.
I bet this really is someone's job. I like a Trader Joe's cereal that has craisins in it. Yummy.
Michele says howdy, and Now i want a bowl of cereal..... With bananas in it....
your creativity is amazing as always
hehe funny post.
here via Michele's
The wonderful thing you have done is given this man bragging rights. Who else in his circle of friends can point at a box of cereal and say "I met the woman responsible for putting the blueberries on the box."
His friends will have no counter-offer and will be left winth only awe and envy.
Yes, it is a GRAND service that you offered this man. Of course, he has likely that he has already dropped off a thank-you-bouquet-of-flowers. Of course, the lovely lady that lives several houses down from you is still wondering what she did to garner cabbie-gratitude.
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