For the past few weeks I've been looking forward to watching the Rutgers game at my friend The Moss's house. She and her husband, who are awesome in all sorts of ways, are having a party. And now, true to form, I'm not going, because I don't want to leave the cat overnight, and because I just don't feel good or secure outside of my own apartment. It's hard when you want to be able to have a good time, but know that it's an uphill battle not really worth fighting.
I don't get me sometimes; I complain about how lonely I am, and then when someone reaches out to me--an old co-worker sending an email to check in, another co-worker inviting me to be a part of her writing circle, a friend throwing a party (I'm not exactly on anyone's A-list, but I will skip 2 parties I'm invited to this week)--I want no part of it.
My friends are typically pretty amazing about understanding. But sometimes I wish I could be less of a flake.
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4 comments:
hmmmmm...turned comment-blocker off I see...posting I am.
Dude...The Moss will miss you tonight. Maybe you could call in from home to provide some color commentary. Things will look brighter next week.
I know how you feel. I often feel bored and restless at home and wish I had something more exciting to do. But when it comes time to do something more exciting, I don't want to leave the house. It's too exhausting.
I think I'm becoming more and more reclusive as I get older. Or maybe it's as I stay home more and more.
I don't think it's true that you "want no part of it," but perhaps it's simply too easy and comfortable to say no. Most of the time I'd prefer to sit on the couch with my laptop, but I have children and a husband that force me out. If not for them, I'd say no a lot more. A LOT.
Hey - Rutgers is kicking some ass!
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