I Genuinely Watched Baywatch For The Plots

BB wasn't in today, so two of my other co-workers, Glenn and Justin, used me as a sort-of BB substitute.

Justin was bored, so I showed him a book I wanted to blog about on the toy blog called 101 Things You Gotta See Before You're Twelve. And I joked that it would be funny to hand an 11-year-old this book and say, "Clock's ticking, kid. You have one year." (Look at watch.) "And. . . go!"


And Justin said the book reminded him of an episode of Baywatch where a kid turned 10 and got to go on a family vacation of his choosing because he'd turned "double digits." And I said, "Oh, that's the one that guest starred Donny Most. And they parked their trailer on the beach, and Mitch said they couldn't do that because it was illegal. And his older brother had chosen to go to the Grand Canyon for his 'double digit' trip. I think it was called 'Submersion.'"

I was wrong. The episode title was "Sumberged." But for a 12-year-old episode of a syndicated piece of crap, I think that's pretty good. Or pathetic.

Later on, Glenn came by asking for gift suggestions for his wife. Glenn has very little patience for my runaway train of thought. Here's how the conversation went:

Glenn: Last year I got her a cameo.
Me: Whatever happened to Dolly Madison ice cream?

Okay, it makes sense. Continue. . .

Glenn: They went out of business years ago.
Me: And I never realized. Now that I know it's gone, I miss it.
Glenn: Wait. Why did you just bring up Dolly Madison ice cream?
Me: There was a cameo on the box.
Glenn: Well, that is true.

I believe the brand was so named because Dolly Madison fed the British soldiers ice cream when they invaded the White House in 1812.

I ultimately told Glenn to get his wife a Sephora gift card, a pink iPod nano, a pendant necklace from Tiffany, or one of those little digital cameras you can fit in your purse. We'll see what happens. I don't know why he asked me for advice on what to get a woman. One of my favorite gifts was the new version of Superman II.

I also had this conversation with my friend Joan today.
Joan: You know, they make boxes of Crayola crayons now with crayons representing all different shades of skin.
Me: Yeah, but did you know they actually make the crayons OUT of skin?

Finally, I had this little scene in my head on the way into work. It takes place in the Writer's room of Law and Order.
Writer1: Here's the new idea. We rip a story from the headlines before it even happens.

Writer2: What are you talking about?

Writer1: We find out about a murder that's about to happen, and we write it up as a Law and Order script. When the murder happens, we can say that instead of Law and Order being ripped from the headlines, we can say that the headlines were ripped from Law and Order.

Writer2: But if we know about a crime about to happen, shouldn't we, like, report it to the police?

Then the train got to my stop and I realized the conversation didn't really make any sense.