Conversation With Four-Year-Old Niece

Panda Bear: Hi, Aunt Carli. I sound far away because I'm going to Baltimore.
Me: Oh, you're in the car?
Panda Bear: Yeah.
Me: Are you going to see the crabs?
Panda Bear: No. We're going to see lacrosse.
Me: Oh. You're not going to see the crabs? There are crabs in Baltimore.
Panda Bear: No.
Me: Oh, don't worry. They're not scary crabs. They're in the water. And people eat them.

(She hangs up. My sister calls.)

Sister: She's mad at you.
Me: I know. I realized as I was speaking she'd be afraid of the crabs.
Brother-in-law in background: I think we have some crabs in this car.
Sister: No. She's not afraid. She just says there aren't any crabs in Baltimore. They're only on TV. Here, she wants to talk to you.

Panda Bear (laughing): Aunt Carli, you're a crab.
Me: No, you're a crab.
Panda Bear: No, you're a crab.
Me: No, you're a crab.
Panda Bear: No, you're a crab. Okay, bye.

And no, potty brains. None of us has crabs.