Wrong on So Many Levels

So I have a Webkinz. I won't go into details, but if you're not familiar with this particular Satanic toy, Webkinz are stuffed animals that come with a code to join an online community of Webkinz. And you can play games and earn Webkinz Cash and build a home for your Webkinz, who shows up on-screen as a cartoon. My Webkinz is a frog named Vincent. He has a trampoline and a pool and a refrigerator that looks like an ice cream sandwich and a whole bunch of other stuff. I was given this Webkinz by my sister, who intended me to win things with my account and then send stuff to my Webkinz-lovin' nieces.

There are also different activities that change by the hour. And last night, the 8-9 activity was a dart game--and you can only play it once. I love the dart game. I love the dart game so much, that after I finished playing, I wanted to play on my nieces' accounts. (I have their passwords so I can earn them Webkinz cash playing the games that are too hard for them. This may change after tonight.) The rational thing to do, what with my entire family being in Canada right now, would be to just not play. But no. I called my sister's cell (no answer) and my father's cell (no answer). A few minutes later, I get a frantic phone call from my Dad. "What's wrong? We're in a restaurant in Canada enjoying time without you and I assume you'd only interrupt with something really important. This better be related to a psychotic meltdown or a local coup or an infestation of carpet beetle larvae." And I'm like, "No, there's a Webkinz game going on right now and I wanted to know if I should do it for the kids." And he's like, "Oh, sure, we just thought something was wrong."

And I go online and I play the dart game for both my nieces. And then the phone rings again. It's my father. "No! Don't play the games. Your sister says she may get back to the hotel in time!"

Oops.

Here's what's wrong with this story:
1. That I'm bothering to tell it.
2. That my entire family abandoned me in New Jersey to visit our neighbors in the North. (There's that whole "I don't travel" thing, but still.)
3. That I'm so obsessed with a Webkinz game that I called my family in another country to ask if I could play it.
4. That this is what I'm doing on Saturday night.
5. That my sister would rush back to a hotel room while on vacation to play a Webkinz game.
6. That my sister is probably going to YELL at me for this.
7. That while I was typing this post, my (neutered) cat was on the bed behind me, masturbating.
8. That even though I'm a grown adult, I'm going to get heat from my mother for mentioning a masturbating cat on my blog.