My mother told me she was surprised that I hadn't posted anything about my experiences the past few days. And to be honest, I'm not sure I want to or that I know what to say.
Do I talk about how I was in the hospital because I haven't been taking care of myself?
Do I talk about how afraid I am that the treatments I received may have made me worse, and how I feel like it's all spiraling out of control? (Four shots of blood thinner in the stomach = ouch)
Do I talk about how little faith I have in hospitals now that I see how much of an advocate you need to be for yourself?
Do I talk about the sad lady in the next bed who thought I was a nurse, asked me for tea, and complained that she was soaking wet at 3 a.m.?
Do I talk about how for $7 a day, a TV should have a remote?
Do I mention that I said to the nurse practitioner, "Have you ever seen BEACHES? Because cardiomyopathy took Barbra Hershey really fast. Like, she went to the beach for the summer, and then she was gone." (Response: "You do not have cardiomyopathy.")
Do I mention that my Internet addiction was fed by a late-night, against-the-rules use of my cell phone, as I logged on to read about women's heart health? (For the record, they say my heart is fine. . . I just don't give enough of it to others. Well, no, they didn't say that part, because I'm not in some lame sappy TV drama. But it would have been funny if they had.)
I'm embarrassed, and I still feel like crap, and I'm still afraid to go to sleep. Hopefully, I've hit bottom. I'm going to a new doctor this afternoon for a follow-up and hopefully he'll put my mind at ease and get me on the right track. (I would still like to know what this crushing pain in my chest is, eh? Maybe it's a Sigourney Weaver-style alien.)
And as a lovely welcome home gift, Wendell the cat started coughing again. He hadn't coughed since his surgery; the vet said it was because his belly was probably too sore. But now that all this stuff is going on with me, I'm suddenly not giving all that much of a shit about the asthmatic cat.
(Well, I don't want him to die, but I am putting things in perspective.)
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5 comments:
I think you just mentioned all those things, Carli. Maybe your chest will feel better now that you've gotten so many things off of it. If not, I'm willing to give a massage. :-D
Girl, I hope you get to feeling better soon...that must have been scary :(
Sometimes, all it takes is a good scare to get us to fly right. I hope you get the answers you need, and I hope things turn for the better for you soon. We need you around because you're a wonderful writer, and blogland wouldn't be the same without you.
Or your cat. Big hugs to him, too!
You are VERY VERY glad you do not have cardiomyopathy. Believe me, I speak from personal experience. Take care of yourself. Your health is the most important thing in your life.
I used to have to take those stomach shots everyday. As if being hospitalized for weeks on end wasn't unpleasant enough. I broke the rules on a regular basis - the way I had it figured... I lived there, they only came there to work.
Michele sent me to tell you that even when it's pouring rain outside, it's a beautiful day.
Mike
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