Okay, so enough with the Eminem lyrics.
I've made some real progress with cleaning my apartment this weekend, despite not having my mother come. I am determined to have it clean by this Friday, even if I have to stay up nights. Today I am finishing one of the most daunting tasks: the closet. I can see floor!
I started looking at cleaning out the closet as a punishment for letting myself fall so far down the rabbit hole this past year. But then I decided to look on the bright side for a change. The closet, this apartment, tackling therapy, taking medication and my concentration problems at work, plus my weight and how I look at things in general--it's all part of climbing a mountain. I may have to take lots of breaks on my way up--I am very out of shape, and I'm easily distracted (hence, this blog post when I should be cleaning), but I am determined to get to the top. Well, maybe not the top, but maybe 3/4 up. Ooh, look at me, all metaphory.
I also had an epiphany yesterday at Target. Isn't that where they always happen? I may never be normal. I may always need help. I may never feel like a real human being, รก la Pinocchio. But no matter what guilt or regret or sadness I have over the past, I'm only going to be more miserable if I don't take care of myself. I've been down this road before. I've wasted enough time. I've wasted me. I'm not retarded, thank goodness. I have a serious mentall illness that can be partially controlled. Diving deeper into the abyss in the hopes that I'll be miserable enough to end it all just doesn't work for me. And for now at least, I'm trying to look forward to things.
I've been in a coma for the past year. I'm starting to wake up now. And I'd like to wake up in a clean apartment.
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12 comments:
Ewww....cleaning. Ptthhhhh ))
Michele sen tme by to say hello.
Hey, you are in control. Have fun cleaning. I always find stuff I thought I had lost when I clean my closet!
Michele sent me here to give you a hug!
Amen!!!
Hello, Michele sent me to let you know that doing some of that kind of stuff can be fun...especially when you are doing it for you! And, not for someone else...
Enjoy the transition and maybe you'll find some goodies in the closet!!!!!
I've never really accepted that there's such a thing as "normal" anyway. Who defines this baseline? And who determines when someone is supposedly off of it? Rubbish, I say.
I like your philosophy so much more. You took time out from cleaning up so that your words would inspire others to do the same thing. Good on you for that!
Hello, Michele sent me.
Good for you. Clean out the closet. Perk up the place. That always makes me feel better. You will, too.
Welcome back!
May never feel like a "normal" human being? If you ever figure out how to feel that way let me know ok? I haven't felt normal in.....well, ever. And frankly Carli I kind of like it that way.
Your a pretty incredible person...very gifted.
Hello! Thank you for playing Guess Who! Your were the first to guess correctly and your BE credits have been sent.
And what is normal really? I don't think I've ever been called that in my life and surprisingly, I'm okay with that.
You sound like you're headed wherever it is you need to be heading and that's a wonderful thing!
I told you so! :)
What an inspiring post -- you should go on a motivational speaking tour. I'm ready to tackle all my goals now. Thanks for kick-starting my Monday. T-Mo.
P.S. DON"T EVER BE NORMAL!
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