From Oatmeal to Sybil: An Epic Conversation

I was trying to figure out how a conversation between my co-worker Kathy and I evolved from a conversation about oatmeal, but wound up with me doing my impression of Sally Field in the mini-series Sybil. I retraced the conversation, and Kathy recommended I reconstruct it for the blog. So, here goes.

1. I approach Kathy and show her my oatmeal. I tell her I had just thrown it up.
2. Kath says that's disgusting.
3. I agree, apologize, and relate that our ex-co-worker Russell used to always come up to me with oatmeal and say that.
4. I tell her that it's actually new Quaker Multi-Grain Hot Cereal, meaning it's got more than oats and is quite delicious.
5. Kathy asks me if I've ever tried Grape Nuts hot.
6. I tell her "yes," and we simultaneously say that it tastes good with honey.
7. I tell her that the last two jars of honey I've had have spilled in my cabinet, and it's a pain to clean up. I also say I should put it in a Ziploc bag.
8. Kathy misunderstands and thinks I mean I'm going to pour the honey into a Ziploc bag and spoon it out as needed. I say that I'm going to put the whole container in a Ziploc bag so that if it spills, it doesn't get all over mycabinet.
9. She says that makes more sense, and I tell her that I DID once pour cake batter into a Ziploc bag, then poked a hole in the bag and used it to squeeze cake batter into cupcake tins.
10. She says that's a good idea.
11. I tell her it made me feel like Martha Stewart. Then I tell her my favorite Marth a Stewart story: She was having lunch with Barbra Streisand and Streisand's house, and Streisand served Cool Whip with dessert. And Martha Stewart had NEVER had Cool Whip. . . like, it was beneath her to eat anything other than pure whipped cream. And she liked the Cool Whip. I don't know why I like this story. . . maybe because Streisand is a multimillionaire, but she still eats the same artificial crap the rest of us do.
12. Kathy says Cool Whip is great for dipping into just about anything.
13. I say that's true, except for, like, beef.
14. She agrees.
15. I tell her that I've been dipping everything into Desert Pepper White Bean Dip.
16. One of us mentions that salsa is also good for dipping.
17. I tell her I love Newman's Own salsas, because they're very good and many of them are low in sodium.
18. Kathy says it's great that Newman gives some of the profit to charity.
19. I correct her: Newman gives ALL of the profits of his products to charity.
I also tell her that he gave a huge amount of money to his alma mater, Kenyon College, and is easy on the eyes. Then I mention that I can't stand his wife.
20. She says, "You don't like Joanne Woodward?"
21. I tell her I saw The Three Faces of Eve and thought all three faces sucked.
22. Kathy asks, "Wasn't she then in the other movie, Sybil, playing the doctor?"
23. And then we got into a whole conversation about how creepy the whole story of Sybil is, not because of the whole multiple personality thing, but because of the allegations that Cornelia Wilbur (portrayed by Woodward in the movie) may have planted the idea of multiple personalities into Shirley Mason's (the real Sybil) head. And how she crossed the line by having Mason do housework for her in exchange for treatment, and how Mason followed Wilbur to Kentucky, and they became good friends, and how Mason wound up taking care of Wilbur when she was dying of Parkinson's.
Anyway, then I did my impression of Sally Field in Sybil, which isn't so much funny as it is, well, bizarre.

Just like this conversation was.