Another Re-Written Sound of Music Scene

MARIA (sings)

. . . When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

MARTA: Does it really work?

MARIA: Of course it does. You try it. What things do you like?

MARTA: Pussy willows!

LOUISA: Christmas!

GRETL Bunny rabbits!

KURT: Snakes!

BRIGITTA: Chocolate icing!

FRIEDRICH: Strangling bunnies!

LIESL: Telegrams!

LOUISA: Christmas presents!

BRIGITTA: Any--wait, Friedrich, did you just say "strangling bunnies"? What the FUCK, man?

FRIEDRICH: I thought we were naming our favorite things?

LIESL: You enjoy strangling bunnies?

KURT: That's fucked up. You know, animal abuse is one of the first indicators that you'll grow up to be a serial killer.

FRIEDRICH: You know what? My mother's dead. I have to wear a retarded sailor suit everyday. If strangling a few insignificant bunnies makes me feel better, so be it.

MARTA: There are other ways, you know? Why don't you try taking up painting? Or Tae-Bo?

GRETL: Violence is never the answer, Friedrich.

FRIEDRICH: What, like all of your favorite things are so great? Doorbells, Frulein Maria? Doorbells? Doorbells aren't fun. I really think you stuck that one in there as filler.

MARIA: Ooh, I just thought of another one! Easter bonnets!

[All give her a blank stare]

MARIA: Aren't we all still naming our favorite things?

KURT: Have you not been listening, lady? My brother is strangling bunnies.

MARIA: Oh, well, that's fine, Kurt, we'll just fit it into the song. Now, let's see. "Creme colored ponies and crisp apple strudel. Doorbells and sleighbells and strang-a-ling bunnies." That works, right?

LIESL: (To other children) This one's got to go right away.

FRIEDRICH: I'll go get my gloves.