Carrie's Got Talent

For those of you unfamiliar with the 1976 horror film Carrie, here's a very brief synopsis:
1) Carrie White is a telekinetic outcast.
2) At the prom, Carrie is voted prom queen, and as she is being crowned, she is drenched in a bucket of pig's blood by a group of her tormentors.
3) Carrie uses her telekinetic powers to open a can of whoop ass on the school, destroying everything and everyone in her wake.

But today as I walked to work, I imagined a different scenario for Carrie. Instead of the protagonist of a horror movie, she's the star of a cheesy 80's sitcom. So she's still drenched with pig's blood, and she still locks the doors of the gym where the prom is being held. But as she begins unscrewing the fire hose with her mind, her classmates start to notice her special talents:

Norma: Carrie, wait! Wait! Are you moving that with your mind?
Carrie: Shut up! Just let me do this!
Norma: No, seriously, Carrie. Wait. Let's talk this out.
Carrie (snapping out of her psychotic telekinetic haze): What do you want?
(Norma and a group of other students gather around her)
Helen: Where'd you learn to do that?
Carrie: I was born this way. It's called telekinesis. I learned about it in the library. I used the card catalog.
Freida: Can you teach us?
Carrie: I don't think it's something you can teach. It's just something you. . . have.
Norma: I wish I could be so cool. The only thing I can do is roller skate backwards.
Carrie: Don't be so hard on yourself, Norma. We all have different things we're good at.
Chris: She's right. Hey, Carrie? I'm sorry we poured a bucked of pig's blood on you. You know, I bet with a little seltzer, we can get it cleaned up.
Carrie: That's okay. It feels kind of nice, really. . . like a warm, gooey blanket.

And then, we'd flash forward to the year 2007, and Carrie would be trying out for a TV talent show, like America's Got Talent. And she'd be standing on stage, still drenched in pig's blood and wearing her prom dress, and she'd be levitating David Hasselhoff and spinning him around in circles. And David Hasselohoff would be all, "Carrie, you are so talented. And this is something we've never seen before. You are definitely moving on to the next round."
And Carrie would be all, "Thanks, David!" And he'd be, "One question, though, and you may want to think about changing this for the next time you're on stage: Why are you covered in pig's blood?" And Carrie would say, "David, that's something that has special meaning for me."

And she'd smile, and the screen would freeze. Pause. Canned applause. Fade out.

And this is why I will never work in Hollywood.